Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
