I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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