Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
