I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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