My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
