You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
