I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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