then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
