Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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