come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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