i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
