the condom got lost in my hair
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
