very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
