rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
