did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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