this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
