Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
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Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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