omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
