This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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