I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
