I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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