it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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