fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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