I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
