chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We need to get me chipped asap
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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