hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
