I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
