He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
