Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
