my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
