Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
