Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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