Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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