he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
