i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
