Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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