when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
did i just pee glitter
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
