Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
