I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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