I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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