Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
