She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
