life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
