I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
