I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
