He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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