I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
