Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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