I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
