You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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