I got her a Nickelback box set.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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