I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
