I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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