I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You made out with two different species that night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
