ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
