I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
