Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
