What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
