Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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