That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
